As I sit here with my three week old, and listen to a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old play outside, a certain reality is becoming more clear. Life moves fast! The Bible says it right in James 4, " For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." Life after 25 years old seemed quick, but then I had my first baby, and now I'm free falling. Watching my kids grow up shows how quickly the years go by. Watching my newest born become more alert and hold his head up shows me how quickly the weeks go by. Forty weeks went by in a flash and there I was at the OBGYN office being told that I would need to be induced that day. As quickly as I could get to the hospital in fact. Not an emergency yet, but close. My water was low and the midwife wasn't sure if it would be at critical level even within a day. The ultrasound tech told me I would probably be sent in for induction, but she told me in hopes that I would be thrilled that baby would be coming out that day. The opposite was actually true. Yes I wanted little Josiah to come, but not like that. I was scared. I cried in the room after the midwife left. I prayed that God would help me. I prayed that God would give me peace about the induction. I had a dream labor in my head. Elizabeth's labor. I wanted it to start slow, walk around my house or the neighborhood as the contractions got stronger, get to the hospital almost ready to push, and push out a beautiful baby naturally. All naturally. No medical intervention needed. Birth is natural right?! Yes, birth is natural, but the cold reality is that some babies don't make it outside of the womb without medical intervention, and at this point I knew it was necessary for my baby. So, I went home and puttered around while I got my mind wrapped around the fact that I was going in for an induction. I could tell Josh was nervous too. He was quiet. Around 11:15 we dropped the kids off with Josh's parents and drove over to Arby's ( I know how those hospitals are not letting you eat! ha, I showed them!) and Starbucks. Yes, I enjoyed a tall mocha as well as two Jr. Roast Beefs! Then we showed up at the hospital without a single labor pain in sight.
Walking into the hospital without any pains was somewhat different. We joked around with the people at the front desk about having a baby, went upstairs to labor and delivery, and were on our way to a room. The room felt cold when we walked in. Seeing all the medical equipment made me feel like some sort of lab rat. Again, I was a bit nervous. The nurses got me hooked up to the liquids and pitocin around noonish. My doula (Doris Ann) got there around one, maybe one thirty, and my mom and doula in training (Katherine) got there around two. This is from memory as my husband lost the sheet my dear doula wrote out for us with times! Anyway, labor wasn't happening in the bed so I got up and started squatting. I've heard horror stories about pitocin and I didn't want a lot of it, so I squatted and rocked back and forth beside the bed to keep contractions coming. I still wanted birth as naturally as possible. 
(see...still smiling) We even had a teaching moment as Doris explained to Katherine the peak and let go of a contraction:
But then, at around 3:00-3:30 -maybe even 4:00- I started to feel the contractions a bit more. . I started to have to breathe through them and to squat:
As you can see Doris (aka squat master) was thrilled to see labor was progressing =). I was happy too though. Pain is gain in the birth world and I was happy to have it! My body was kicking in and working, so I didn't need much pitocin. I was happy! And my husband was incredibly supportive:
I was still able to go to the bathroom which often brought on more contractions:
So, I squatted to push baby Josiah down on my cervix and open up the cervix a little more. This went on until about 7:30 p.m. when the contractions got really painful. My water bag was pushing against my cervix but wouldn't break. I went through two "checks" during contractions as the nurses tried to break the bag. I even went to the restroom and tried to break it myself during a contraction on the toilet. We all knew that once the bag broke I would be pushing. I wanted that relief! The doctor wouldn't order it though, and the nurses weren't successful with the checks. I'm not sure of the time but I was in transition when I muttered, "Why am I doing this to myself. Why don't I just get an epidural and have an easy labor?" I told myself if the baby was turned correctly then why not get an epidural and have some relief? But Doris basically told me to shut up because that's what moms think when they are close to the end. So I shrugged my shoulders and said, "fine." In my mind I knew that was true, so I didn't push the issue any further. I knew I was almost done, it was just discouraging because the nurses kept saying, "if that water would only break we would have a baby." For whatever reason that got to my head. Probably the pain talking and the mind saying, " why am I doing this, this could go on for a while?!"Pain talks pretty loud, but I didn't let it win out. Josh prayed for the water bag to break:
And honestly it was only a few more contractions after that, while in hands and knees position on the bed, that my water broke.
It wasn't a gush like with Elizabeth. I truly had very little water left. The pressure was pretty intense at this point as I breathed through contractions trying not to push. At around 8 cm- 9cm my body wants to push and I have to breathe through my teeth. This helps in keeping the body from pushing, but for me it takes a lot of mind control.My body wanted to push pretty badly for some relief! The point though is not to swell the cervix. Pushing too early can swell the cervix and cause a whole other set of issues... So, we leaned over the bed to get that last little bit of cervix to go away:
The pain wasn't as bad anymore because I had accepted in my mind that we were almost done. The midwife was on the way and soon we would be pushing =).
I can't explain the pushing except to say that time moves a little slower. Bringing a life into the world is the most amazing and beautiful experience I have ever had. As I worked and strained my body to push, a sense of joy and excitement rushed over me. Now with every contraction comes a strong pushing sensation and newfound strength. The body is absolutely amazing, and I felt strong as I pushed harder to bring Josiah to me. Doris kept saying, "bring your baby to you, talk to your baby," and I was. I reached down and felt his head at one point and that gave me more strength for the next push.
After Josiah's head came out I was out of breath and had no contraction left. I wanted to relax and breathe, but the midwife looked at me and told me to push. I knew by the look on her face something wasn't exactly right. Josiah's shoulders were stuck. The babies are supposed to turn after the head pops out, but Josiah didn't. So Doris informed me later that this is how shoulder dystocia occurs. Basically when the baby's shoulder gets stuck on the pelvic bone it can be really dangerous. Ultimately it can cause brain damage or death. Thankfully with the next very hard push I was able to get his shoulders out. The final picture above was the head, and the picture below was the shoulders:
The next moment I got to reach down and grab my baby boy! This is the moment when time really doesn't matter. It sort of stands still. It's a feeling of being on top of the world. Unexplainable happiness! The moment when I got to meet my son for the first time will be etched in my mind until I die. I couldn't say anything but, "my baby, my baby" as I hugged and kissed this beautiful gift the Lord gave to Josh and I. In this moment Josh stared in amazement at our sweet little boy as tears streamed down his face. I think the pride of being a daddy hits home to men at this very moment. For a mother who gets to feel the kicking and squirming of her sweet baby for nine months, motherhood is more tangible even in pregnancy. But for a man it's a special moment when he can see and touch his baby for the first time. It's a beautiful moment! The pictures tell a better story than I can:
and I love this picture as Josh looks back to check on me:
Welcome to the world my beautiful baby boy, Josiah Samuel Barnett, born at 8:36 p.m. on his due date (April 25, 2013). He was 7 lbs 9.03 oz at birth and 19.5 inches long. You have family that loves you more than you will ever know:
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