20 weeks, One Day Early!

Nineteen was late, so it is only fitting for twenty to be one day early ;). I wanted to post today because I had an OB appointment this morning. I got to hear Miss Elizabeth's heart beat, which is always amazing! It is still hard to believe that my body is carrying another life. I don't know why this is so hard for me to grasp, but I honestly don't want to let it go. Although, all I have been talking about lately is "letting it go!" Birth that is! I am reading up, watching documentaries, and studying up. I have one more chance to have a vaginal birth, and I want to give it my best shot. I know it seems crazy, but I honestly did not feel like a mom after my c-section. I realize that other women have different experiences, but I didn't. I saw my baby for like 3 pictures worth of time (like 2 minutes), and then he was rushed to the nursery for 4 hours. I get that he was having breathing problems, but most of that was fluid that would have been dispelled had he made it through my birth canal... I watch home births and these women reach down, pull their babies out the rest of the way, and snuggle them immediately. I cry each time. I want that! I want to watch Josh's face in awe of his baby being born, and to cry with him as soon as we hear her cry. This is what will push me through. I know I can do it. Women have had natural births for centuries, and I won't go into it this time getting the epidural immediately. Nope, not this time!

I realize that I have a perfect baby boy and that is the goal. I don't begrudge the experience because I still have an angel to love on, but I want it to be a little different this time. This is why I was a bit disappointed after speaking with a Doula who laid out some of my risks and basically told me I would need to be at the hospital as early as possible. I don't want that for several reasons. 1. Cape Fear is like a prison. Once you get it in you follow their rules, 2. I realize that they will hook me up on monitors immediately and my movements will be confined, and 3. I can't handle labor on my back. My coping method for pain was standing up and walking. If I can't do that I will probably need an epidural and boom I'm on my back in the worst position possible for delivering a baby. So, I was upset until I spoke with my midwife today who told me to stay home! Stay home as long as possible, because I'm just as much of a risk as anyone else at that point. YES, now THAT is what I wanted to hear! So, I'm meeting with one Doula next week and possibly another. If they don't support me I'll do it myself (with Josh of course!).

I am weighing in at 127, so 9 lbs. heavier. I am eating a lot though. More snacking throughout the day. I guess little gal is growing again! Growth is always a great thing ;).